We are here.
Between the old and the new.
Between our parents—and our children.
Between “no choice” and the miracle of free choice.
Between the limitations we collected and adopted
and the possibilities that we truly are.
Each of us has a damaged kind of love, one we learned from our parents and adopted for ourselves, one which we were already willing to part with to some extent, up to now.
Each of us has within us the deep knowledge and simple connection to a kind of love that is whole, not distorted, one without fear or control, one that we want, with all our might, to impart to our children.
We, as parents, can connect the difficulties in our everyday lives with the deep requests that come from the depths of our children’s being, and ours as well. The difficulties our children bring to our lives are designed to draw our attention inwards, to who we really are. Behavior, illness, or habits that are problematic for us and our children, are not problems that we have to solve somehow in order to go on with our lives.
These problems are our children’s attempt to stop us, to wake us up so we can take a look at ourselves, at our choices and the beliefs that drive us. So that we can see the old elements of our character that no longer suit our new life with our children.
We want to be able to detect the driving belief that our children want us to separate from.
Because they love us, and because they are faithful to themselves and to us, our children want us to be willing to grow, willing to change an old belief for a new one, one that is better suited to who we are today. One that is perfectly suited to who they want us to be.
This outlook turns every problem into an opportunity for growth.
When we are willing to grow together with our children:
- We agree to give up our expectation that our children will fit into our lives easily and without discord.
- We let every discord become a direct signal for the whole family.
- We are willing to listen to ourselves, again and again, and live a life that is bound to our truth.
- We choose approaches, forms of communication, choices and habits that let us live lovingly with ourselves and our children.
- Our lives become attractive, so that it’s worthwhile for our children to fit in and there’s no longer any need for discord.